So many questions...

I took a bit of time for self reflection.. Actually, I'm thinking pretty much non-stop but when I sat and tried to scratch my thoughts out on paper, I spent two days staring at a blank page which is where this begins...

I sit here, staring at this blank page. What have I to say about where I've been? What defines who I am and what I'll become? Just what does the future hold? Seems more and more I'm realizing I'm a blank slate. I'm a mother of three and proud of it. I've just lost my job of fourteen years that I kept mostly because it was comfortable. I wasn't blind sided. The writing had been on the wall for a long time. I had spent countless sleepless nights worrying over it. My responsibilities were dissipating. I feel I'd been running from it for so long, that I was initially relieved that it had finally happened. I worked from home. Secretary - never seemed glamorous but occasionally, I got an assignment that allowed me to stretch my wings into the technical or creative arena, which provided hints of the career I so desire...

I've searched the classifieds and rather than filling me with hope for all the possibilities, I'm overwrought with anxiety. Who'd have thought you could need an Associate's Degree for Secretarial work and how does 14 years experience compare in the long run? I should get my degree. I know I'm mentally capable. How much time is involved? How much expense and not just financially? How much do I need to rely on Joey to pull the load? Will the extra strain rip at our relationship that I cherish even after all these years? Despite my growing collection of doubts, I don't feel there will ever be a better time. I know in my heart that if I don't follow through, it will be my life long regret. How will I live with that? Why would I allow myself that kind of disappointment?

I'm optimistic by nature though firmly planted in reality. I know that better things could be around the corner. I know that I'm capable of so much more. I'm down hearted though desperate to deny it. How can I be so confident and yet so insecure? I have to make something happen. Why in the brink of such an opportunity would I let myself down this way? Life is sweet. This is the chance to follow a dream. My Dream! Someday, I'll look back and wonder what took me so long to realize it. Right?

Creative Zen

I've made numerous attempts at purchasing MP3 players. Even went out and purchased a portable DVR unit which I promptly returned the next morning. Well, finally made my way to some comparison shopping between the Zune and the Zen. Gotta tell ya that the Creative Zen absolutely positively ROCKS! In the end, it was the compact flash slot that pushed me in this direction as my digital camera uses this media and I can upload directly from the card. I'm in LOVE with the easily accessible playlists, access to ratings, the fact that it displays album art and the quality of sound when sent through my car audio... WHOAH, I get chills! But it even has it's own built in speaker. Ya just gotta love that! It even has FM radio and 32 presets.

Moving on to photos, they are crisp and bright and WONDERFUL! Of course it helps that it's displayed on a 4.3" TFT screen. I've yet to download any videos but the quality of the ad based content on the player is - IMPRESSIVE! You can even plug it right up to your tv with the included RCA cables and view videos or songs or even photos right from the tv. It has a large rechargable battery and the option to buy a back up (which I may do) and an optional remote... WOW! FINALLY an MP3 with everything that I'd been searching for and more!

The only negative I've found is that it automatically syncs from Windows Media Player despite selected sync content. I installed the Zen software for transferring files, it isn't as easy to gain access to my playlists and the style I've grown accustom to in WMP. Although, it's just personal preference. The capabilities and straight forward nature are easily navigated in its own right. It does offer Outlook and Calendar data syncs as well. Pretty neat option if you ask me.

Kay Miller's team

I'm back on Kay Miller's team! How exciting! I was so thrilled to see her designing again but a little sad that she had a design team and I wasn't on it... Insert happy dance HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to play with her gorgeous designs!

Tickled Zinc

Well, it's been a month ALMOST! I got a new baby! I'd have never really considered my Xterra to be a baby exactly but now... (drum roll please) I am the positively pleased and proud owner of a 2002 Mustang GT Convertible, Stage 2 Jack Roush Edition... It's one SWEET RIDE! Figured I'd post up some pics...



I'm available to run to the store for just about anything assuming it's dry outside... I've become a little obsessive about cars in general... but then, I'm always throwing myself into my latest craze at atleast 150% effort. I'm modding and dreaming of future mods... I'm a car chic!

Yes, truly! I'm planning to attend some carshows in the near future... Nothing like the open road with no "lid"... :)

The Design Team Challenge...

Well, I'm out of hiding. Created 9 layouts this week? Yep... But the fun part happened with Shawna and Dani who switched DT's for the week. I didn't realize it until Wednesday but no matter. I managed to create seven layouts with Dani's sets... How fun!

Some Favorite Photos

Ode to my Joey

And one that really speaks the truths of my heart!

I love this photo. (a little sad that it couldn't be clearer) But, Joey came and found us on our photo excursion through the woods on Saturday. I asked Trevor if he'd get a picture of mom and dad on the four wheeler. (hehehe) I've secretly wanted a half decent photo of the two of us for as long as I can remember. I've digitally tweaked it to the best of my ability because despite it being a bit blurry... it's exactly what I wanted...

He usually hates the camera so much that when I do get a picture of him, it's never a natural smile... actually it's not really any kind of a smile... it's that hunny bunny in headlights look that makes me feel guilty for even trying... I'm secretly tickled that I could use pink on a page with him too. Ugh, I hope I'm not ruining my chances of EVER getting another photo with him! :-)

Here's the journaling, (if you're interested)
For all the times he steps up and does things that he doesn't have to, like preparing dinners, cleaning the kitchen, getting the kids situated for bed and even going after the water they notoriously ask for once they are in bed... For all the dreams that he brings to life around our house... like the kitchen upgrade, the tile floors, the new mantle and the million other little honey do's... For all the times that he puts our needs above his own, which is not infrequent. For all the times that he truly listens to an opinion that he doesn't share but realizes the value it has for another and all the times he jumps to say he's sorry when he's not the only one in the wrong. He is quick to make things better... He is a rare find, a wonderful father, my best friend... so generous and loving... For this and so many other reasons... I love this man...

I used Carrie Stephens Love Potion set from Scrapbookgraphics or Fishscraps.. I also used her brushes from the Smorgasbord release. (I just stroked the outline of one of them)

New layouts!

We took off on a 4 wheeler excursion / photo shoot on Saturday and I was so excited about my photos that I had to get to scrappin right away. I'm so excited about the fall pics... Last week would have been better, but we did manage to catch some fall color and found the day quite enjoyable!

This is the first layout with Trevor. He was a fantastic poser. Of course, I was bribing the both of them with fruit gummies so he'd smile, I'd snap the photo and he'd announce that he'd like grape this time or cherry...

Whatever works, right?

I used Shawna Clingerman's Grey Day set.

Kaitlyn was jumping about in front of the bushes for me and I found the perfect set to convey her energy. This is Maya's Zany set. I couldn't resist the googly eyes and the bright fun colors contrasted to the black and white...

Can you believe that I am sitting in my living room with boxes and boxes of Christmas stuff around me? I had hoped to decorate this week but work has been so crazy that I couldn't afford the time off. I've requested Wed-Fri though so by this weekend, my house will be the twinkling vision of Christmas! I don't suppose that'll ever happen if I'm sitting here typing to my blog though... Hmmm... Gotta dash! :-)

Introducing my new kitchen!

Click the thumbnail below to link to web album of the new kitchen! I'm so blissfully excited about it!

Kitchen

Girly layouts - yeah!

Boy, oh boy... I feel like I've done such a good job of including the boys in my album lately that I've honestly missed the girly layouts like crazy!!!!! And like magic, a girly kit comes available with some of my favorite colors ever! I just love Maya's Charisma papers and I used that awesome gold bow in her Old World set to really put the emphasis on feminine... Turns out, I wasn't incredibly original though as Maya made light of the fact that she'd used that very bow in her preview for the set. I suppose it was subliminal inspiration because I didn't realize until her e-mail... but dang if she isn't right! hehehe either way, I love it! And isn't that one of the greatest digital bows ever?

Now, I got to poking around Tracy Ann's boutique over the weekend and fell in love with those awesome paint splotches and the sheer bright happy boldness of her vivid set. So, this won't be the last you see of bright happy and girly layouts with her stuff... :-) Anyway, you can click the images to get the bigger view. I just love that feature in picasa which I've finally gotten with the program and downloaded!

Well, I can't tell ya how excited I am that it's finally Friday! Joey's here and working on our kitchen. Truth be told, there's not much to see yet... but I can't wait to post some final shots of a totally made over kitchen... Wish him luck at a speedy finish! And have a great weekend everybody!

Birthday Surprise

Well, I've decided to do something entirely different for Cody's birthday this year and I'm so excited about it too. I had created a poster and then decided to scrap it and THEN loved the bottom part so much that I had to revamp the poster to include it... But, I'm thrilled with it and I think that Cody will be too! Check it out!

Oh, I used Shawna's techno grunge set again but I recolored it. I also used her linez frames. I'll post a pic once we've hung it on his wall! hehehe I'm so excited!

New Kitchen Floor!

Joey and I installed a floor over the weekend. Okay, fine! Just today. He's planning on putting the shoe mold down tomorrow and putting up new paint. Ya see, we started this project last year and probably around this exact same time frame of October too. I had hoped to have the crown up AND PAINTED OUT by Cody's birthday party which of course, DID NOT HAPPEN.... The crown went up, and he puttied and primed it. Unfortunately, it never went any further than that. So here we are facing October 20th and Cody's birthday party again this year with a new floor and the hopes to be completely finished with the kitchen by that time. Cross your fingers for me!

Halloween is on it's way!

We've been out and about on the 4 wheeler today... The trees are spectacular. I wish I had my camera with me... In fact, I think I may still go back out with the camera... And seems I owe someone a photo on the 4 wheeler... which ought to be interesting as I'm always the one with the camera.Anyway... here's a couple new layouts and a great Halloween treat or trick (depending on how you look at it).

Mr. Cool

Woohoo... I've been on a scrappin marathon over the last couple of weeks. And it's been so fun! Of course, I'm losing lots and lots and lots of sleep because of it so the ride has to end soon... But, I've enjoyed it while it's lasted... and what better time to be scrappin "rides" then now. I've taken so many dirtbike shots over the last couple of years and rarely scrap them...

Some, because a lack of masculine kits, but mostly because I wasn't inspired by them at the time. I loved playing with the Mr. Cool set by Shawna Clingerman. It was perfect for my boys and I'm sure they are glad to finally see some of these shots in my book!

Free Fall

I guess I really enjoy all the seasons but I'm always over joyed when the beginning of the new season is just showing itself. I do love fall colors! They are in my house all year round. Not sure if I realized how much until I started scrapping with this Free Fall set by Shawna Clingerman.

I realize it's been a long time since I've really gotten the camera out. (very very unusual for me. Expecially considering I've been to a birthday party at Pump it Up, the skating rink, on 4 wheeler rides, at a neighbor's party Labor Day Party, a Home and Garden party (also with neighbors)... Through all of these events, I never once drug my camera along! Opportunities missed but I feel like I "experienced" the events rather than "captured" them and I'm not particularly disappointed over it... Am I losing it? Geez, I hope not!

Busy, busy me...

I've spent DAYS trying to revamp my little blog. And I'm not afraid to say, it's kicked my tail too! For instance, I can't upload photos directly from blogger. And I can ONLY upload 1 photo through Hello. So, I had to download picasa. Which is really cool by the way. I've done a couple layouts this week too. Anyone noticed that SBB seems abandoned lately? I've opened a gallery at DST and that place moves FAST! Lots going on all the time! I'm pretty exhausted and have a terrible headache tonight so I'll just keep this short and sweet... I've got another post in the works with response to a tag. Stay tuned!

Oh, and a layout to share created by Carrie Stephens and Jessica Bolton's - Emily's Wish set.




2nd Layout is using Taran Conyers - Sunflower Fairy set

Would you believe?

I've lived in this very neighborhood now for over 7 years. I used to joke that there were sensors around the entire neighborhood because the moment Joey raised the garage door, kids, neighbors, friends, everyone seemed to FLOCK to our driveway to hang out. And honestly, if it weren't our driveway, it was somebody else's. I would sit here at the house and be doing my own thing. Which before digital scrapbooking, used to be decorating and painting and getting ideas all centered around interior design. Fact is, since I've found digital scrapbooking, each new layout is a blank canvas and satisfies my creative urges to the point that my house, more often than not, takes a back seat to everything else in my life. Until Christmas time... but another story and I'll leave it at that... FOR NOW!

So, back to this neighborhood thing. My neighborhood is party central. We have just shy of 50 houses around the block and dadgum if 85% of them don't have four wheelers and many with dirt bikes too. There are woods just off a neighbor's back yard. And there are people that gather from 3 neighborhoods next to us just as darkness sets. And they all "mount up", call each other "Hetherins" (spelling may be wrong but that is phonetically how they say it) and RIDE! Joey recently decided to get us a new four wheeler as ours wasn't quite big enough to join this roaming party. I had asked for reverse, racks, headlights, and any color that couldn't be found in camoflauge. 3 out of 4 of this list realized... It's hunter green, I'm not thrilled about it but red just couldn't be found at the time.

We have been out with our little guys riding the trails with no less than some 50 ATV's of neighbors. Through creeks, mudholes, hills, ruts, over downed trees, there is no obstacle that seems too big with these incredible pieces of machinery... For me, I've only in the last few months gotten to KNOW the neighbors like this. And what a hoot! You can't believe how fun this can be!

I just went to a home and garden party over the weekend with.... YOU GUESSED IT! Neighbors! Basically, I have a life now... I've been inside for so long that many would doubt Joey had a wife if it weren't for being branded with the matching Ginormous fox sticker on the rear window of our vehicles parked in the driveway. And we have kids, I guess that might have proved my existence too! HA!

Anyway, I've had so much fun this past summer that I'm seriously dreading winter for the first time despite that wonderful, bright, loving holiday season that I look forward to all year long! WHOAH! Did I ramble or WHAT???? Good blogging Tonya... (pats herself on the back and happily skips away) :-)

Got some SCOOP! :-)

Weeks have passed since my last post, yet again... It's really kind of sad that the one thing that I'm best at is INconsistency!!!! But, this blogging thing, try as I might just never becomes habit! Why I've not just hung it up and called it done, I can't quite say... But, here's the latest!

I took a big break over the summer, good for my family and home life, but not so good for keeping close ties in the scrappin' community. I was fortunate that my CT designers were taking a break also. I felt like I may have been juggling a little more than I could handle but in all truth, not a day went by that I didn't feel incredibly blessed to be on the teams I was on. Still true for my current teams... But, I really miss the designers that "hung up their mouse" as a dear friend put it.

So, I applied for Shawna Clingerman's design team call. Funny how life just takes you in a direction that you were meant to follow. That's how I felt about the events that led me to apply. I really wasn't familiar with her work though it turns out I'd seen a number of her gorgeous layouts and she's produced all sorts of brushes that many of the layout artists I've followed all along had been using. I've been really bad at reading newsletters lately too but got Dani's and was so drawn to that totally cool Techno Grunge set featured on the back "cover". (tick tock, tick tock) Fast forward through what seemed an eternity of waiting. I'm leisurely browsing my e-mail after a neighborhood four wheeler ride. (which by the way is "four deep" for us, meaning four bodies on board. Joey driving, Trevor and Kaitlyn switching up spots and me leaned out away from the 4 wheeler much like a recliner minus the comfort and hanging on to a back rack) OOPS! Got sidetracked didn't I? (more on that later, if you can stand it)

So, I was leisurely going through my e-mail upon my return when much to my dismay, sat that little gem of an e-mail with Shawna's invite to be on her Creative Team! Totally bustin out with the happy dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!! I desperately wanted to be a part of this team. I've only seen a handful of her fabulous creations but between the awesome sets, her totally rockin' layouts from her blog, and the energy and spunk in her correspondence, I'm even MORE EXCITED to have been accepted on my little scraps design team. That makes me one of "Shawna's Girl's"!!!!!!! So, that's the big news for me!!! I am so honored especially after poking through all the galleries over there, and seeing the talent she has on her existing CT... I'm totally loving the interraction and EVERYONE is so nice and witty!!!! I'm on cloud 9!!!!!!!!!

Echos of a hollow blog...

Yep, I nearly choked when I realized how long it's been since I've checked in here. Turns out, I even forgot my logon and password so it's been quite the pickle getting back too! It's no secret that I've been MIA for most of the summer. I had to step away from my computer monitor almost completely to get some real life things accomplished. It seems that if you mean to sit there for 10 or 15 minutes or even say ONE HOUR... You can be there half the day before realizing it. So, cold turkey for a while... I've focused on living more fully. We've gone on vacation, been taking the boys to BMX races where they are collecting trophy after trophy. Kaitlyn and I have been out and about on the four wheeler and swimming and playing in the sandbox and a little bit of shopping. She is a constant beam of sunshine when in her sweet little girlie mood but can change the tone in an instant if angered... We're working on the fits right now. Making no progress now mind you... but working on it...

I've spent more time taking care of myself than quite possibly ever in my entire life. I recently purchased some extensions which I did honestly research on the web for countless hours. www.extensions.com I was so anxious about this decision and finally made the leap. Wanna see? I just got some pics yesterday with them curled and it's my favorite way to wear my hair now. I certainly don't wear them around the clock but it makes for a great totally different and fun look!

Well, I got on the computer early this morning and it's now 1:49 so you can see that nothing has changed in that department. But, I'm hoping to be around more frequently since the weather is starting to turn cooler. We're already seeing yellow and red in the leaves. Fall is SO making its entrance! I'm going to enjoy a dose of outside right this minute! :-)

Checking in...

It's April Fool's Day! I didn't pull any pranks but I did have a fabulous spring day! I took the kids to see Ice Age 2 the Meltdown. It's awesome!

I shot a wedding yesterday along with dh's sister. It was quite lovely... I'm going through pics and trying to narrow them down. On the way from the service to the reception, I saw the MOST AMAZING sunset! The area was gorgeous too. Realizing that I was watching this amazing light fade before we could get pics at the new destination. I pulled out the camera and poked it in the direction of the sunset while driving... on a pretty darn curvy road too... So, I'm amazed that I was able to get this shot... Sure wish I'd have had time to stop and give it proper attention..

Ya know what? We just got a DVR last weekend and I'm totally IN LOVE! I've tried a couple other times to purchase but they were finally running a special. I can now see why everyone loves their TIVO. Holy cow! I can't believe I've missed out on this incredible technology until now... I'm watching my soaps that I missed from being away and the commercials are taking 10 seconds of my life. hehehe - Now, if I can just figure out how to move my old home movies to DVD... I'd just throw away the VCRs!

Well, I know I'm all over the place tonight... I've been that way for a while, which is why I've resisted blogging at all... But, short, sweet, and all over the place - I'm done...

Happy day to all the April Fools out there! hehe