What Luck?

I'm a full hearted believer in destiny and the road carrying you wherever it is you're meant to be. I know there is a reason for the things going on in my life and deep in my soul, I believe I'll be better for having struggled. It occurred to me that I haven't given an update on Cody's incredible recovery. Do you know that you couldn't even tell he'd had an accident by the 10th day which is magically (weekends included) the day he returned to school?
Well, this brings me to what reminded me of this. Would you believe that he's had yet ANOTHER ACCIDENT?????!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!! Joey had taken the boys riding last night and on the last trip out for the evening, Cody gets out there and pogos in a landing, in the process pins the throttle wide open on the dirtbike and is off into the dirt and woods apparently. Keep in mind that I wasn't there and I only get the call from Joey on his way home no less. "Uh, I just thought I'd let you know that Cody has hurt his wrist."
I didn't even want to look. I was sick and disgusted by the financial burden and the fact that I have no job!!!!! Unfortunately, it wasn't going away whether I saw it or not. I did look and from the top side, it was just fine. But the inside looked WRONG! It was swollen and blue and I knew in my gut that the boy had broken something. Joey took him to the ER. They were out until 4am and sure enough Cod-meister is in a cast. Orthopedic to follow in three days...
Can I please just stop this screaming, sick, disguisted, nauseated, feeling going on inside my head? It seems that I can't escape this part of my life. I'm not trying to wish my days away while waiting on things to stabilize... So little control... That's how I feel. And don't think that I don't know this is really all about Cody. (deep grumbly voice coming on here) AND THE DANG RACING!!!!!!!!! I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to support this new "era" in our life and all three of my boys are in it up to their eyeballs...
It is simply infuriating that anytime someone mentions an injury or worse yet, a fatality from riding, Joey runs them out of my earshot to have this "adult conversation" that I apparently am not strong enough or smart enough to particpate in. And yet.............. I'm living it! I have no job, not sure how much insurance will cover, wondering how to keep up the routines of our daily life and pile on the added emergency room stresses... I'm going out of my mind here!
I didn't intend for this to be a rant. I love my life and I love my family. But, I will be so glad when I have some control and actual sleep filled nights. How delightful it will be to effortlessly BE the happy go lucky person I like to think that I am... Please, oh please, let me find a job SOON!!!!!!!
I hope this will be somewhat therapudic and that maybe - just maybe - I can actually get some sleep. One could hope, right? If you would just put me and my family in your prayers, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Just Drive...

It seems more and more that's the feeling I'm getting... With no destination in mind and no limit on time, I leave for the gas station and keep getting the urge to just go and go and go. With the wind at my back, the sun on my shoulders, and my favorite tunes in the air, its' the most comforting feeling I know right now. It's likely the wonderful weather that beckons me or maybe the fact that I'm just so lost in my own stress right now that I can't help but find the call of the road to be my own sweet escape.
I'd like to escape this rut in my life. The void left in the hours once devoted to employment are driving me out of my mind. I'm worried, constantly. I'm desperate. I'm so many different emotions at one time that there isn't a better word to describe it other than "basket case".
I should apologize for stressing over and over but that's where every thought that I have goes. Why I let it define me, I can't be sure but please say a little prayer that something, whatever it is, comes my way.

Seeing Zac Brown

I was scoping my brother's profile on myspace when I saw this band in his top 4 friends. Wondering what a band would be doing in his top 4, I found myself following the link to the Zac Brown Band profile. I instantly fell in love with the first song that played, and the second, and third and fourth. Realizing they were a local band and flipping over their sound, I went ahead and purchased two of their CD's. I submitted a friend request and became one of their many fans! Joey had left town for a week and the house was mine to run. Realizing I had an opportunity to escape for a night without guilt of leaving the kids with him, I diligently went to planning the night out with my best friend. I full heartedly believe in fate and each step of finding and seeing Zac Brown Band was as I see it, destiny in motion.
We were right at the stage, within 6 feet of Zac himself and the bass guitar guy (atleast that's what I think he was playing) was directly in front of us. They rocked the house! We danced from 10pm until 2:23am. I would consider that shutting the place down as it did close at 2:30. I'm definitely a fan of the music but the experience of a live band was incredible! Then there is the added and wonderful bonus of spending the evening with my dearest and bestest friend in the whole great big wide world who I can't thank enough for making it happen! Woohoo!

credit for layout: Kay Miller - Live for the Joy set from KayMillerDesigns

Cody is Improving

It's been crazy around here but I thought I'd give you guys an update! Cody is healing really well. We were able to irrigate his wounds which helped him to open his eye. Through this, we discovered it was filled with blood. But, I believe we might already be seeing the beginning of scabbing and his swelling has gone down to the point that he can wear his glasses. The poor boy is practically blind without them so not only did he have a mutilated face, he was dealing with near blindess too. We took him today to have his hair washed and conditioned which I'm sure made him feel better.Joey and Trevor raced motorcycles on Saturday night and did really well. I'm disappointed that we couldn't be there but Cody couldn't afford to be covered in the red clay dust with open wounds. Instead, my best friend came over and we hung out in the living room and giggled the night away while Cody had a steady flow of friends checking up on him too. Good times!
I got out for a bit on Sunday and bought a couple of photography books. The secret to lighting eludes me and our house stays so dark. I've not taken photos lately like I had been. Between lighting, natural (yet unique) poses and the actual science of manual settings which I've been tinkering with and thanks to digital; settle for trial and error, I just feel the need to learn more. I've enjoyed photography more than I can say but I'm ready to be a master. I've gotten some great photos over the years but it's either sheer luck or Photoshop ability that brings them to life. Besides, there's a big hole in this trial and error plan and someday, I'm afraid I'll miss THE shot because of it.
Anyway, everything's getting back to normal. All in all, it's the best case scenario of any trauma. We could stack the miracles of near misses and the timing of it all in piles... I know there's a reason for everything. We are truly blessed and we've been reminded just how precious life is and just how important our friends and family are to us. That's what I'm taking from this event.
Here's a photo of his healing progress. I'm mighty proud of this boy. He's been incredibly brave and I'm sure grateful he's improving as quickly as he is.

Home from Hospital

Cody had a serious bicycle accident yesterday. Face plant into the dirt right over the handle bars while going over a two foot plastic ramp in a neighbor's front yard. He's been over the same ramp countless times but luck wasn't on his side this last time. He was unconscious for several minutes.

He was first transported by ambulance, then life flight to Eggleston Children's Hospital in Atlanta. He was admitted for overnight stay. After X-rays and various testing he was cleared to come home with some pretty hefty facial lacerations and "yard" burn. No broken bones, no paralysis.... He does have "air" under his skin which is NOT supposed to be happening. It has managed to get through one of his various lacerations and poses the potential for infection. His glasses didn't break into his eyes, no brain swelling, So many reasons to be thankful.

I'm posting the photos in my myspace folder. He's going to be out of school next week while on pain meds, anasthetic mouth wash, antibacterial gel and antibiodics. He's been a trooper. Breaks my heart to see him being so brave through all of it. We weren't admitted until 2am as we were waiting on the surgeon to stitch him up. None of us slept much if at all. (Joey & I stayed with him. Joey's sister took our two younger ones) So we'll do some resting up, keep the boy inclined and slow the pace down for a bit so he has a chance to recover. They say it'll be 2-3 weeks for scabbing and healing but that's pretty quick thanks to his youth.

Please keep him in your prayers for a steady and speedy recovery. It would be most appreciated!

Photo Link: Cody

Thank you all for your support!

Tonya

First Dirtbike Races!

The boys had their first dirtbike race over the weekend... Which by the way, when I say the boys, I mean both sons and my husband... Honestly, I would say that their entire day and certainly the last few hours were heavy in the case of nerves. Trevor had backed out over and over again right up to the moment that Joey was signing the form for entry. They had very short practices for each "class" and the racing started at 7pm. We were at the track from 3pm until nearly midnight.
The boys did well. Cody and Trevor both held their own in both motos. Joey did well too. In fact, when all was said and done, he'd taken 2nd place. Although he'd been on the track with better than 10 other riders, there was only one more in his class. We didn't realize this while he was actually racing him. Joey won the first moto and the other guy won the 2nd. But, the 2nd held more weight so Joey got 2nd place! Isn't that funny? I'm proud of him but then I'm proud as long as they all stay in one piece...
The most eventful thing for Kaitlyn and me was that we were covered in red clay dust. Yes, we looked as though we had a nice tropical tan if you really want to find a glamarous description. Atleast it was even coverage unlike the tan in the bottle! Anyway, we entertained ourselves by trips to the rest room, chatting with friends and neighbors... OH! I did forget to mention that several of our neighbors showed up to support them and two other neighbors were racing too.
I'll probably get around to a layout at some point despite my pictures coming out terrible because it all started so late. I can atleast use this post to remind me of details that will surely escape my mind.

The Perfect Day

It's been a tough couple weeks for me... Not to say they've not been great but I could truly end up being a professional couch potato if I'm not careful. And that's not the plan! Anyway, in the middle of it all... I go to stir the little chicadee... For four years it's pretty much been the same... No matter what lengths you go through, if you are waking her up rather than her doing the rise and shine thing on her own... then it's scary! But, instead I have this little angel... I know this will likely never happen again and I should know better than to hope for it but on top of all this... My boy is good too! My teenager is respectful and dh also being a sweetie... I think we ALL 5 had good days on the same day! Strange and yet wonderful!

Anyway... as for me, you'd think I'd be getting all sorts of things accomplished while not working. My computer is definitely getting a cleaning up and re-organizing but unfortunately I'm the only one that sees or reaps the rewards there. My family and friends just see me at the computer every waking moment and more often than not, I'm on it while they are sleeping too. Actually, they'd probably freak out if they walked through and I wasn't plastered on the couch... Which is a good thing no one was home today. I CLEANED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cleaned, the bathrooms to the degree that you can smell the clean before getting to the door in the hall. The kitchen was clean before dinner. I went through two bags of hand me down clothes for Kaitlyn and did the ritual of her trying all kinds of stuff on. They are sorted, in her drawers and boxes for future use. Never mind the fact that they've been there in the living room floor for a week or better. Anyway, it's been productive to say the least. I think that I'll step away again (from the computer) and stay motivated.... The shock of it all! Til next time!

So many questions...

I took a bit of time for self reflection.. Actually, I'm thinking pretty much non-stop but when I sat and tried to scratch my thoughts out on paper, I spent two days staring at a blank page which is where this begins...

I sit here, staring at this blank page. What have I to say about where I've been? What defines who I am and what I'll become? Just what does the future hold? Seems more and more I'm realizing I'm a blank slate. I'm a mother of three and proud of it. I've just lost my job of fourteen years that I kept mostly because it was comfortable. I wasn't blind sided. The writing had been on the wall for a long time. I had spent countless sleepless nights worrying over it. My responsibilities were dissipating. I feel I'd been running from it for so long, that I was initially relieved that it had finally happened. I worked from home. Secretary - never seemed glamorous but occasionally, I got an assignment that allowed me to stretch my wings into the technical or creative arena, which provided hints of the career I so desire...

I've searched the classifieds and rather than filling me with hope for all the possibilities, I'm overwrought with anxiety. Who'd have thought you could need an Associate's Degree for Secretarial work and how does 14 years experience compare in the long run? I should get my degree. I know I'm mentally capable. How much time is involved? How much expense and not just financially? How much do I need to rely on Joey to pull the load? Will the extra strain rip at our relationship that I cherish even after all these years? Despite my growing collection of doubts, I don't feel there will ever be a better time. I know in my heart that if I don't follow through, it will be my life long regret. How will I live with that? Why would I allow myself that kind of disappointment?

I'm optimistic by nature though firmly planted in reality. I know that better things could be around the corner. I know that I'm capable of so much more. I'm down hearted though desperate to deny it. How can I be so confident and yet so insecure? I have to make something happen. Why in the brink of such an opportunity would I let myself down this way? Life is sweet. This is the chance to follow a dream. My Dream! Someday, I'll look back and wonder what took me so long to realize it. Right?

Creative Zen

I've made numerous attempts at purchasing MP3 players. Even went out and purchased a portable DVR unit which I promptly returned the next morning. Well, finally made my way to some comparison shopping between the Zune and the Zen. Gotta tell ya that the Creative Zen absolutely positively ROCKS! In the end, it was the compact flash slot that pushed me in this direction as my digital camera uses this media and I can upload directly from the card. I'm in LOVE with the easily accessible playlists, access to ratings, the fact that it displays album art and the quality of sound when sent through my car audio... WHOAH, I get chills! But it even has it's own built in speaker. Ya just gotta love that! It even has FM radio and 32 presets.

Moving on to photos, they are crisp and bright and WONDERFUL! Of course it helps that it's displayed on a 4.3" TFT screen. I've yet to download any videos but the quality of the ad based content on the player is - IMPRESSIVE! You can even plug it right up to your tv with the included RCA cables and view videos or songs or even photos right from the tv. It has a large rechargable battery and the option to buy a back up (which I may do) and an optional remote... WOW! FINALLY an MP3 with everything that I'd been searching for and more!

The only negative I've found is that it automatically syncs from Windows Media Player despite selected sync content. I installed the Zen software for transferring files, it isn't as easy to gain access to my playlists and the style I've grown accustom to in WMP. Although, it's just personal preference. The capabilities and straight forward nature are easily navigated in its own right. It does offer Outlook and Calendar data syncs as well. Pretty neat option if you ask me.

Kay Miller's team

I'm back on Kay Miller's team! How exciting! I was so thrilled to see her designing again but a little sad that she had a design team and I wasn't on it... Insert happy dance HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait to play with her gorgeous designs!

Tickled Zinc

Well, it's been a month ALMOST! I got a new baby! I'd have never really considered my Xterra to be a baby exactly but now... (drum roll please) I am the positively pleased and proud owner of a 2002 Mustang GT Convertible, Stage 2 Jack Roush Edition... It's one SWEET RIDE! Figured I'd post up some pics...



I'm available to run to the store for just about anything assuming it's dry outside... I've become a little obsessive about cars in general... but then, I'm always throwing myself into my latest craze at atleast 150% effort. I'm modding and dreaming of future mods... I'm a car chic!

Yes, truly! I'm planning to attend some carshows in the near future... Nothing like the open road with no "lid"... :)

The Design Team Challenge...

Well, I'm out of hiding. Created 9 layouts this week? Yep... But the fun part happened with Shawna and Dani who switched DT's for the week. I didn't realize it until Wednesday but no matter. I managed to create seven layouts with Dani's sets... How fun!