What Luck?

I'm a full hearted believer in destiny and the road carrying you wherever it is you're meant to be. I know there is a reason for the things going on in my life and deep in my soul, I believe I'll be better for having struggled. It occurred to me that I haven't given an update on Cody's incredible recovery. Do you know that you couldn't even tell he'd had an accident by the 10th day which is magically (weekends included) the day he returned to school?
Well, this brings me to what reminded me of this. Would you believe that he's had yet ANOTHER ACCIDENT?????!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!! Joey had taken the boys riding last night and on the last trip out for the evening, Cody gets out there and pogos in a landing, in the process pins the throttle wide open on the dirtbike and is off into the dirt and woods apparently. Keep in mind that I wasn't there and I only get the call from Joey on his way home no less. "Uh, I just thought I'd let you know that Cody has hurt his wrist."
I didn't even want to look. I was sick and disgusted by the financial burden and the fact that I have no job!!!!! Unfortunately, it wasn't going away whether I saw it or not. I did look and from the top side, it was just fine. But the inside looked WRONG! It was swollen and blue and I knew in my gut that the boy had broken something. Joey took him to the ER. They were out until 4am and sure enough Cod-meister is in a cast. Orthopedic to follow in three days...
Can I please just stop this screaming, sick, disguisted, nauseated, feeling going on inside my head? It seems that I can't escape this part of my life. I'm not trying to wish my days away while waiting on things to stabilize... So little control... That's how I feel. And don't think that I don't know this is really all about Cody. (deep grumbly voice coming on here) AND THE DANG RACING!!!!!!!!! I don't know if I'll ever fully be able to support this new "era" in our life and all three of my boys are in it up to their eyeballs...
It is simply infuriating that anytime someone mentions an injury or worse yet, a fatality from riding, Joey runs them out of my earshot to have this "adult conversation" that I apparently am not strong enough or smart enough to particpate in. And yet.............. I'm living it! I have no job, not sure how much insurance will cover, wondering how to keep up the routines of our daily life and pile on the added emergency room stresses... I'm going out of my mind here!
I didn't intend for this to be a rant. I love my life and I love my family. But, I will be so glad when I have some control and actual sleep filled nights. How delightful it will be to effortlessly BE the happy go lucky person I like to think that I am... Please, oh please, let me find a job SOON!!!!!!!
I hope this will be somewhat therapudic and that maybe - just maybe - I can actually get some sleep. One could hope, right? If you would just put me and my family in your prayers, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Just Drive...

It seems more and more that's the feeling I'm getting... With no destination in mind and no limit on time, I leave for the gas station and keep getting the urge to just go and go and go. With the wind at my back, the sun on my shoulders, and my favorite tunes in the air, its' the most comforting feeling I know right now. It's likely the wonderful weather that beckons me or maybe the fact that I'm just so lost in my own stress right now that I can't help but find the call of the road to be my own sweet escape.
I'd like to escape this rut in my life. The void left in the hours once devoted to employment are driving me out of my mind. I'm worried, constantly. I'm desperate. I'm so many different emotions at one time that there isn't a better word to describe it other than "basket case".
I should apologize for stressing over and over but that's where every thought that I have goes. Why I let it define me, I can't be sure but please say a little prayer that something, whatever it is, comes my way.